Saath…

Kya hua?


Main nahi jaanti
Aise kaise?
Haan, hota hai
Shayad main jaanti hun
Shayad mujhe pata hai
Par iss baat se kisi ko khata hai;
“Bahut samajhti hai”
“Bahut bolti hai”
Jab classroom mein taaleem mil rahi thi
Tab dabne se manaa kiya tha,
Jab bahar qadam rakhti
Toh aawaaz ko dafnane kaha tha.
Kya karein hun bhi dheet,
Bachpan ko dil mein
Aur seekhi baaton ko rooh mein basaa liya tha…
Aakhir school mein bhi toh avval rehne ko kaha tha!
Magar hua kya?
Auron ne hamesha kahaa hai
Ab unse hi puchhna hai;
Logo ka toh kaam hai na, ‘kehna’
Ab unse yeh sunna hai;
Ki kya kami hai?
Kya dikkat hai?
Yeh ki main dukhi hun? Kal hi toh hasi dabaane ko kaha tha!
Yeh ki main roti hun? Kabhi aankhon ke darr ko pehechaanne diya tha?
Darr. Thakne ka dar.
Kya pata thakey hue ko kamzor ka daag lag jaaye.
Bahut kami dikhaayi deti hai
Kyunki khubiyon se nazrein firi hui hai-
Main moti hun, patli hun,
kisi se rishta hai, kisi se rishta hi nahi hai,
kitni shaant hun, kitna ghoomti hun,
koi dost nahi, kitne ladkein dost hai,
chehre par daag hai, haathon par baal hai,
ghar ka kaam nahi ata, aankhon mein bahut khwaab bharein hain,
tere toh sapne hi nahi,
tu kuch bolti hi nahi, kabhi kuch sunti hi nahi,
kya bore kar rahi hai, bahut uchhal rahi hai….
Main kya karun mujhe samajh nahi
Gharwaalon se pyaar hai par hardam izhaar ki talab rahi.
Kyun chhoda mujhe usne? Ab bhi kuch kami hai?
Kyun aya woh mere paas?
Kya usey pyaar hai?
Kya mera pyaar sahi nahi?
Kya woh theek hai?
Kya woh chaley jaayenge?
Kya yeh sab thehrenge?
Kya yeh sochna galat hai? Kya main bahut samajhti hun?

Shayad unhey “space” chahiye… Har baar mujhe peechhe hatne ko kaha hai,
Shayad sirf mere pyaar ki zarurat hai. Par hai toh, pyaar hai, beintehaan hai!
“Space”, “understanding”, “support”, “no-judgements”, “efforts” sab toh hai!…
Fir kya baat hai?
Fir ab kyun dur hai?
Ab kyun munh ferte hain?
Usey dekho, issey seekho… Kya woh behtar hai?
Par main bahut kaabil hun yaar, main kaabil hun aur khud par kaam karti aa rahi hun!
Bhai kyun dur ho chalaa hai?
Waise toh mujhe sab kehta hai?
Tooti toh nahi na uske saamne… Fir kya baat hai?
Ma baba ko kaise kahun? Ki saans ghiskar aati hai ab…
Ab bhi shikayat hai?
Ab kaise kahun ki mujhe zarurat hai? Mujhe “needy” nahi banna…
Shayad wahi dikkat thi mere saath. Shayad tabhi dost sab ubb se gaye lagte hain… Ab kuch hi hai, kya woh bhi hain?
Mujhe akeli rehne ki aadat hai, bas akelaapan nahi pasand.
Kaise kahun ki, thehero, mujhe bas thodi zarurat hai.
Kabhi mann ki zarurat ko itna nahi badhaavaa de paayi, par ab koshish kar rahi hun.
Itni khaami nahi mujhme, ek dafaa sun kar saath toh do…
Aawaaz badh rahi hai ab chillaane do! Mujhe cheekhna hai! Bas cheekhna hai!!
Bas thodi dheeraj rakho, shayad jaise main rahungi bas waise kuch kehdo…
Bolne mein ab sharam aati hai
Ki pyaar ki zarurat hai,
shayad galey lagne ki zarurat hai.
Bas itna jaanti hun ki main koshish mein hun,
sahayata mat do, bas saath do.
Meri asli pehchaan ko yaad rakho.

Kya hua?

Kuch nahi.
Bas isi ki aadat nahi
Bolne ki aadat nahi
Kabhi dil khola ho woh yaad nahi
Nahi yaar mujh par zulm nahi
Par gehri saans fir bhi gum rahi
Jaise bachpan mein
Paseena bahakar maidan daudna padta tha
Jab ki bas rang aur tasveeron mein mann rehta tha
Warna paintbrush nahi pakadpata
haath par sir ki maar padti thi
Nahi yaar zakhm ki baat nahi
Par kabhi dard kahin aur zarur umad ata hai
Kya? Aur bolun?
Chhodna jaane de, bahut drama karta hun
Faaltu mein ladki banta hun
Main theek hun, bas thakaa hun
Kaam bahut tha, sar mein dard hai
Kya karun
Kuch kahun kisise?
Utna kuch hua nahi hai,
Kyun itna soch raha hun
Aise hi waqt guzaar deta hun
Kyun main haathon ko mutthi mein rakha khadaa hun
Kisise kahun? Kya kahun?
Kaise kahun?
Aankh jalti kyun hai?
Kya ho raha hai!
Dekh usko, woh sunti hai, har baar boldene ko sabse kehti hai…
Magar woh khush hai, usey kya pareshan karun?
Ghar pe kahun? Nahi paagal hai kya!
Ussey kahun? Woh toh samjhege na
Shayad issey kahun? Woh dost hi toh hai mera
Samjhega na? Yeh normal toh hai na?
Bahut hua yeh, nahi hota.
Jab jeb dhang se nahi bharti
Toh khush kaise kyun rahun
Kandhe thak rahe hain ab
Akele main hi kyun bank account sambhaalun?
Sala kaisa tag lagaa yeh mard ka hai
Isme criterion nahi kya hamdard ka?
Kaise kahun ki, thehero, mujhe bas thodi zarurat hai.
Ab koshish kar raha hun.
Itni khaami nahi mujhme, ek dafaa sun kar saath toh do.
Dil bhar aata hai ab, aawaaz dabakar rooh mar rahi hai…
Ab nazron ka khyaal nahi rakhna, saans lene ki aazaadi chahiye.
Rona hai, bas beqaid rona hai… ab bediyon ko todna hai!
Bas thodi dheeraj rakho, shayad jaise main rahunga bas waise raho…
Bolne mein ab sharam aati hai
Ki pyaar ki zarurat hai,
shayad galey lagne ki zarurat hai.
Bas itna jaanta hun ki main koshish mein hun,
tum sahayata mat do, bas saath do.
Meri asli pehchaan ko yaad rakho.

Ojhal


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